Talk:Richard Hauptmann

Background

> At the age of eleven, he joined the Boy Scouts (Pfadfinderbund).

The link for Pfadfinderbund is for an organization founded in 1970, after this person's death. 2601:2C3:400:EB0:A9B7:7DF1:E7FB:ABF (talk) 20:21, 9 November 2022 (UTC)

The flow of the writing in the Intro

In general, I like all the information provided in the introduction section. But I wish we could present those facts in a different order, in a scheme that makes the writing flow logically and naturally.

The thing I don’t like is just how much information is packed between two parentheses in the final sentence. All that stuff about how Anna Hauptmann, later in life, sued the various people who had framed her husband.

(……… in her opinion, that is. But it’s my opinion too! I agree with Anna. I believe her husband was innocent.)

We should absolutely include all of that information, but it’s really bad writing technique to stick all of it into one set of parentheses within one very long sentence. No parenthesized (is that a word?) passage should ever be THAT long. In fact, no SENTENCE should ever be that long!

(I’m not angry, though, I promise. I just use all-caps to emphasize particular words, and exclamation points to make it sound semi-humorous. Or something.)

I propose moving that big long parenthesized passage to the end of the Intro section to form a whole new paragraph. Thus, the Intro section would have two paragraphs instead of one.

This new paragraph would be exactly the same information that’s currently within parentheses, but it might consist of more than one sentence. It would probably make sense to split it into at least two sentences.

But the important thing is: the stuff within those two parentheses in the final sentence of the Intro should be relocated to form a second paragraph of the Intro. Thegoldenconciseencyclopediaofmammals (talk) 00:19, 17 July 2023 (UTC)